Back a few years ago, I was a huge coffee drinker. I drank a lot. Which caused me to pee a lot. A lot a lot. So this had an unfortunate response of me dribbling. From a guy who likes to wear khaki colored cargo pants it is unfortunate to see spots on my pants. You can only blame water splash on your crotch for so long. That means you have to dab to have the urine to be drawn to the paper as fast as possible. Thankfully there was a single men’s room. But the title means there is something to the story.
Once years ago, while I was still in my current job under a different name, I had to pee. Which is fine and all, but I forgot to lock the door. While dabbing, in comes the Director. To walking it would look like I was cleaning up after a jerk. The look on his face, was pure horror. I’m sure mine was a combination of embarrassment and horror. Here I am cleaning after myself and here is my boss seeing what looks like one of his subordinate finishing up jerking off during the work day.
The director just about faces and walks out the door. I walk out and duck my head for the next few months. It was the proper thing to do by two men. Don’t confront what had happened, just avoid eye contract and not mention that ever again. EVER.
There isn’t an easy way to bring that up moment. “Uh… Yeah boss that wasn’t me jerkin’ off. That was mean cleaning up because my coffee consumption is so high that I dribble worse than an invalid on rainy day.”
You’d be able to see a giant bull shitting all over the place with those words coming out of your mouth. It’s a hard sell for anyone to make and even great for someone to believe. Hell, even I wouldn’t be able to believe it. It was never mentioned and a few days later, there was a deadbolt placed on the single men’s room.
It was a real unfortunate misunderstanding.