I’ve come to an understanding. I’ve known this for a while, but this is me publicly making this known: I’ll never be a big hero. Maybe a little hero that saves someone before being crushed by a giant used tampon, but nothing more. I’ll be another arch-type. I’m the Woody Allen. Nervous, twitchy, smart ass, who is sort o a sidekick that isn’t behind him all the way. Who’ll get hit, but it would never be that bad since I made a decent joke beforehand.
I’ll never stand up with my man tits and crotch pointed at the world with a backlight and my hair being a de-facto cape. I’ll be stealing some limelight on the B-roll telling that the hero has to look for the right area to stand before he makes his big comment to the world. Generally it’s me going and scouting for him, looking for a kid or a really hot woman to hold onto. He’ll get the gorgeous girl(personally she looks a little to done up) and I’ll get her somewhat really naturally attractive when she’s not around friend(she looks almost the same when she gets up in the morning as when she went to bed).
We both have dumb luck, he pushes it and I just try not to think about it. He’s the guy who stands in front of a group of people exchanging gun fire and I’m under the table with my beer trying to stay out of the way. We begin to get choked up with the waitress gets hurt. Him because he couldn’t save her and me because she dropped that pitcher of beer I ordered.
Of course when it comes to our views on life, he’ll be god and country with the knowledge that his actions will change the world. Mine are more a long the lines that while my benefits are pretty good, I really could use a cost of living increase.
So I’ll never be that big hero. Which is OK… Who wants to be that guy that everyone wants to shoot at.
Back a few years ago, I was a huge coffee drinker. I drank a lot. Which caused me to pee a lot. A lot a lot. So this had an unfortunate response of me dribbling. From a guy who likes to wear khaki colored cargo pants it is unfortunate to see spots on my pants. You can only blame water splash on your crotch for so long. That means you have to dab to have the urine to be drawn to the paper as fast as possible. Thankfully there was a single men’s room. But the title means there is something to the story.
Once years ago, while I was still in my current job under a different name, I had to pee. Which is fine and all, but I forgot to lock the door. While dabbing, in comes the Director. To walking it would look like I was cleaning up after a jerk. The look on his face, was pure horror. I’m sure mine was a combination of embarrassment and horror. Here I am cleaning after myself and here is my boss seeing what looks like one of his subordinate finishing up jerking off during the work day.
The director just about faces and walks out the door. I walk out and duck my head for the next few months. It was the proper thing to do by two men. Don’t confront what had happened, just avoid eye contract and not mention that ever again. EVER.
There isn’t an easy way to bring that up moment. “Uh… Yeah boss that wasn’t me jerkin’ off. That was mean cleaning up because my coffee consumption is so high that I dribble worse than an invalid on rainy day.”
You’d be able to see a giant bull shitting all over the place with those words coming out of your mouth. It’s a hard sell for anyone to make and even great for someone to believe. Hell, even I wouldn’t be able to believe it. It was never mentioned and a few days later, there was a deadbolt placed on the single men’s room.
You’ve heard the phrase “that’s gay.” It’s been used so often that it’s gone from past offensive to desensitized back to offensive. I’ve come to a compromised. Instead of gay, things can be queer. At least with queer it has a few more entries in it outside of homophobic in nature.
Here is a large portion of the word queer on dictionary.com
strange or odd from a conventional viewpoint; unusually different; singular: a queer notion of justice.
of a questionable nature or character; suspicious; shady:Something queer about the language of the prospectus kept investors away.
not feeling physically right or well; giddy, faint, or qualmish:to feel queer.
mentally unbalanced or deranged: Glenn Beck is queer. [editor’s note: Casey added this on his own accord. This isn’t on dictionary.com’s definition of the word ‘queer’]
So we’re going to use the term “That’s so queer.” It is using the word queer in the right manner. In a sense, like Randell Graves from Clerks II, I’m taking the word back. I’m taking back queer to be something that isn’t used as a homophobic slur. In a sense it’s a transitional phase. Since queer still has that homophobic feel, we’re going to gently move the term over to the none homophobic use.
Besides, whenever I hear the word “gay,” I don’t think:
But since I grew up on re-runs, the idea of the word gay, I think of this:
I see the Flintstones. A group of people who overall were very gay. And not the homosexual above but the happy people who travel and vacation together all the time and where constantly hatching a scheme is looked upon as a good thing.
So again, we are now changing “that’s so gay,” to “that’s so queer.”
One night a week, my sister and I have dinner at my mom’s house. It’s a chance to catch up over the week & I get to do laundry. It’s pretty nice time. My sister being my sister has the balance of a drunkard on an ocean liner during a storm. I took her laundry to the car. My mom’s neighbor was tracking a giant scorpion with a broom and the headlights of his friends car. I had to get a photo of the scorpion before we directed the car to run over the scorpion.
I apoligize in advance for the quality of the images. This was about 20:30 with headlights, pen light and the “flash” on the phone.
Because of my son, Lucian, I have a dream of owning a yellow Fiat500. The Fiat500 shares a history with Lupin the 3rd, a fictional thief. The Fiat500 also shares some history with the movie Cars and one of the people behing Studio Ghibili, the studio behind Spirited Away and Porcco Rosso from the valley of the Wind.
The little Italian car is now making a comeback in a big way since it acquired controlling interest in GM. Late this year the revamped 500 is coming to the United States. This time with a possible engine that is low on CO2 gas and fuel economy that can almost match a Prius. Here we get a car with lines and curves that at times are sorely missed in todays world is slants with a great fuel economy.
I get a text message from my wife about my mother-in-law(MiL) leaving in a huff and speeding away in her Jeep without mentioning where she was going. Melissa had no clue what was going on and neither did anyone else. It only felt weirder when no one, not Melissa or her brother Jon, couldn’t reach her on her mobile phone.
Let’s cut to later that night when I finally got to talk to Melissa. She fills in the rest of the story. What happened was when MiL got home, there was a truck parked out front of our house. MiL being MiL, decided that she had to call Jon, read off the license number, “in case anything happens.” She’s doing this while checking the mail in guise of actually making sure the truck isn’t the property of somebody who will come back and rob us clean.
The truck leaves.
MiL runs to the door to ring the bell to get someone to help her while she goes all Starsky and Hutch and drives off after them. She’s on the phone calling the cops. Talking about how there was someone who she thought was possibly casing the house to rob later. She’s chasing the truck, their both going about 50 down a 35. The cops, there are multiple cars here and a helicopter, start in on the chase too. Unfortunately, for MiL, she’s the one who’s being pulled over.
The other vehicle was getting freaked out by the lady in the Jeep and called the cops too.
There are two cop cars when she was pulled over and a helicopter. They called in a supervisor to explain to MiL that you can’t chase someone who you might think was doing something bad. If you see them take a child or commit a crime, yes. Park in front of your house while on the phone, no.
This makes finding someone who broke into your house passed out on the couch seem a little tame doesn’t it?