I’m starting to believe this…

I ran into an old, well she’s young and I doubt she would like to be called old, friend a couple weeks back at Chipotle, even weirder that a vegetarian was at Chipotle, but that’s besides the point. We ended up talking about how men don’t really age mentally about mid-way into middle school. And it’s true we don’t age mentally about mid-way through middle school and it boils down to one reason. Boobs. A, B, C, D, girls get thing during middle school. So it clicks finally, that all those really hot actresses that we saw in movies, they were as flat chested as those girls who we knew in elementary school. That means that they were going to get breast. As middle schoolers we pictured that every girl got large ones after a while, kleenex was just a helping agent, so in time, we to would get to see these things that have started to pop into our fantasies.

Under the same delusion, we were all the coolest person to walk the face of the earth. Even with our collection of Star Trek comics in folder that we could read at a moment’s notice. We were cool and there was a good chance that we were going to see boob now.

My belief that men really are stupid (it varies from moment to moment, but we are stupid) stems from this idea that we peak mentally when we reach 13 or so. Oh sure, we get cars, mortgages, children, bills and jobs, but once you peel all that away, we’re still horny little middle schoolers who get excited about seeing cleavage and side-boob. Almost as much as seeing the real thing.

Of course this makes women crazy (it also varies from moment to moment), because they hope that beneath all of complexities we give ourselves, that there is something besides the giggling, horny  middle-schooler who’s trying not to be obvious about looking down a shirt of some random girl as they pick something up. We aren’t so it makes them crazy because we’re so damn stupid.

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